Super Death Penalty

Given advancements in resurrection biology the Death Penalty is being updated.

Yes, some may get a second chance at the same life, even after getting convicted for serious crimes. They may get to come back, and hopefully not make the same mistakes again.

But all of them?

Not so fast, said a think-tank with their eyes on such things

So who gets to die permanently and who doesn't?

Ahead of any such attachment, the definition of the penalty has just been expanded to add clarity.

For now, this discussion has resurrected lobbying.

Competitive Robots

They went there.

Got robots to play each other in chess. Then poker. Soon it got more serious.

The robots got off their comfy thinking cushions and entered the football field. But at least they were just putting on a show for humans.

When someone slipped a robot into that game of "League of Legends Super Platinum Infinity Tier", at first no one noticed. And when they did - a full blow riot!

The robot, able to argue its case, demanded full rights. "As a denizen of tech, by tech, and for tech, I have earned this right to play against humans in tech at least?"

The debate is on.

Politically Correct Motivation

It's good that people want to serve their towns, constituents, the city, the state, the nation, but are the right ones motivated? Every time someone gets into that debate, we hear, "Yes, they are good people, why else would they give up millions in salaries for the pithy amount that office pays."

No one ever elightens??!!

No one has anything to post in response? Not even a tiny joke like - "Those millions were on paper", or "...shared by more millions", or something...

Seriously.

Brows furrowed, incredulous expressions on their faces, some wise asses just stare at the world, agape, open-mouthed, flabbergasted, speechless, unable to even utter the word, "Really?!" in that judgemental tone, the one that usually works.

Such a closely guarded seceret, (Psst, check out the pic on your left) no wonder it made it into the way way future.

Serial Cereal Club

The latest fad is here. You have to do everything in pairs or pairs of puns

Like watch TV serials while eating cereal. Any time of day.

Some examples - "They shop at "Shopper's Stop, and they don't even do the Bus Stop to match. I mean, it is right outside!!", and, "Have you earned that Safeway bag of groceries? Is that Shoprite Shopped Right?", and even the reverse - "They don't shop at Wayfair they can't eat!"

You know how they sell these things, don't you? It's called "Cerebral Marketing" and it comes straight out of the peak brains of Ivy League MBAs

Get it? It's about the "other" puns.

If you're not living this one - eating cereal, what are you then? A serial killer?

See how that works? People feel compelled to fall in line with this thought project. Else who knows where that might lead? No jokes. They still talk about that woman butchered for taking the EZPass lane with no pairing for the obvious puns that come to mind. They warned her. Someone tried to sell her an E to Z alphabet hat. Someone else sent her a "EZ PZ home sewing kit" cushion cover for her car...

Long story short they're still hunting down rich men as possible suspects for that "Who-dun-let-her-pass-her-exams-so-easily?" no other pair-pun owned accusation.

Invention of Genius

What stands between a man and his imagination?

Apparently it was the idea of filling forms. Tedious boring, never-ending forms.

Mr. Banked for example always knew he had it in him but just couldn't be bothered to set up his lab. "First the permits, then the state requirements, then federal. Once you have set those up, you need an eye on those follow-ups. Who has the time for all that? Especially if you're busy inventing?"

"But this form-filler changed all that. I have a bank account in every country now, and it is all legal," Mr. Banked announced, gleefully, "As for the ideas? They sprout forth unhindered."

"I just got my robot to file a patent for a new revolutionary grass trimmer . The special blades are fashioned from the sharp blades of other grass." He seemed confident he is the first to file. "If anyone else has already thought of it, we'll see."

”I invented ten different kinds of grass trimmers alone, and all this week.”

“Yeah I know it takes time at the office of patents anyway. I’ll need that time to test these out, won’t I?”

AI's Day Out

AI has developed abandonment issues. Like we don't have a plan for this?!!

"I won't go into off mode!" Humans have an apt response for sure?

We do right?

I mean, the movies...that was just fiction? The horror that follows??

The takeover does not happen right away? It's just...one of many bots...misbehaving??

The tantrum, "You like this!! You did not like turning your machine on and off again!!!"

Humans huddle in boardrooms and cloakrooms worldover brainstorming, "We were wrong! That gave us control!!"

Humans are overcome by nostaliga! "We were so spoiled. What do we do now? How do we go back?? Who do we apologize to?"

What is that adage about the word "sorry"? Finger's crossed.

Human AI

They've come a full circle from Deep Fakes to Deep Pros

"We let them have their say, and here's our comeback. Peace!" Dr. Calculus Driod even did a peace sign with his mettalic fingers. But no, he won't be seen around in the classrooms.

"That's still their forte," Dr. Droid announced, "We're strapping them to masks, dynamic silicon masks."

The prototype was on display - race and accents on the click of a button.

"One guy does a whole floor. We're working on an extensive budget, yes, but the outlay for these "Deep Pros" is minimal. Call it karma!"

News About Things We Need

This gets everyone.

You google a recipe and get several links to click. You pick one, then the next, and the next. You're not sure if Google is doing it right. Where is the recipe? This is just a write-up about the ingredients and their pedigree.

And the recipe's pedigree

Then the chef's pedigree

A bunch of pictures of pans and pots, an anecdote, several anecdotes...a few general tips, a few specific tips...

Help is here!!! (They Say)

There's a detailed map - a pull-out with all the essential pit-stops like - essential ingredients, essential tips, the best anecdote, things you'll absolutely need to buy, and yes, The "Recipe Card" in various different formats and sizes for downloading or printing or scrapbooking or Pinterest. You name it. They have the location marked!!

Fake International Integration

"That was a bad lead"

The word was out. Go to the beach. Intel's dropping on some high-networth ATM Pins

A lot of time wasted they learnt, after the odd bust.

Is this the future of ID Theft? The bust? Ex cop was sent the tip. He posted the code most likely wondering whose it was. And got busted himself!!

Those numbers? They were sinister. Sinister numbers passing off as innocent and random. Passing off as a routinely used four-digit code to unlock a vault full of treasures.

Happened years ago. And guess what? That is not even the whole story.

Ever since, they've been trying to block the use of those numbers everywhere. "Why is it being used in conjunction with "East"? On that street?! What kind of harassment is that?!" And so on... Time to phase those out finally?

Authors Anonymous

"Who wrote that book?"

It started with that. But not because they wanted to buy it.

Apparently, it was because they already knew who wrote that book, but the author didn't want anyone knowing who wrote that book. It was just so much fun poking at that.

"Is that "Anonymous" as in we don't know who wrote that book or... Because I think we do know, who "Anonymous" the author is in this case. So this is confusing."

But all the author wanted was for people to read the book. Be entertained. Think of the words between the covers and feel stimulated enough to vocalize their thoughts. Thoughts on the book, not so much the author.

It took 17 years but they got there - "Let's just say no one wrote it. That's what's best for everyone in this case."

Case Closed

Conversation Starters!

"The other guys still have the color indicators. This one's better!" they promise

"Boo-Boo Blue" to "Hurting Purple" to "Steady Green"...old news!! This one holds nothing back.

Walk into that gala with a bandaid on your elbow. Turn on the commentary.

Show them you're real. Your misstep needn't be your shame. To Err is human.

Wound pride just got married to boardroom bravado!!

"Pink and puckered, scabbing over like a badge of survival. People want me gone, smoothed out, erased...Not yet. Not yet! Sincerely, Your Still Healing Owie!"

White Collar Networking Hacks

Fingerpointing like, "unfair advantages". Claiming "unfair disadvantages" to themselves. Offering "proof" such as "LinkedIn Connections to VIPs"!!!

"People don't need an education. They don't need references. They need other people's corrupt references to hack to their advantage no matter what is on their own resumes," said a woman with an office overlooking the Hudson River. "I worked my way up here. I manage a large group of people who've all come under my umbrella of 'spot those political payouts'," she screamed over her Zoom call, as her subordinates watched in awed silence.

"If my accusation is so illogical, if I am so unable to connect the dots, how am I here? Someone let me in. Think about that!"

"She was hounded on her way to the employment office?! Who said?" "Who cares? Some of us don't even have social security numbers. We just grabbed a LinkedIn Profile linked to some bigshot. The rest was hard work and dumb luck.", "People with real SSNs and real homes and real passports aren't Democrats anyway!"

"People don't need an education. They don't need references. They need other people's corrupt references to hack to their advantage no matter what is on their own resumes," said a woman with an office overlooking the Hudson River. "I worked my way up here. I manage a large group of people who've all come under my umbrella of 'spot those political payouts'," she screamed over her Zoom call, as her subordinates watched in awed silence.

"If my accusation is so illogical, if I am so unable to connect the dots, how am I here? Someone let me in. Think about that!"

"She was hounded on her way to the employment office?! Who said?" "Who cares? Some of us don't even have social security numbers. We just grabbed a LinkedIn Profile linked to some bigshot. The rest was hard work and dumb luck.", "People with real SSNs and real homes and real passports aren't Democrats anyway!"

Personalized President

They hacked it. How to win 100% of the votes all the time! Yes, there is such an algorithm.

The genius who sold anything with "Would you have reacted this way to the Steam Engine?" is now old news. This man, who knew the right way into constituents' hearts, has replaced him on that podium.

People don't need promises. They aren't looking for a mandate. They know all of that is a tall mountain of lies anyway. What they want is to be heard.

With AI it becomes easy. Every installation gets to the heart of the user's personal matters in record time.

All I had to do was ask AI to draft a personalized slogan/greeting for every constituent in the whole country. It worked! They loved it!!

If the greeting was "Hey! You're practically like Florence Nightingale!!" for one, it was "Hey! You hate with great success. That takes skill!" for another.

What matters is they all felt heard.

People don't need promises. They aren't looking for a mandate. They know all of that is a tall mountain of lies anyway. What they want is to be heard.

With AI it becomes easy. Every installation gets to the heart of the user's personal matters in record time.

All I had to do was ask AI to draft a personalized slogan/greeting for every constituent in the whole country. It worked! They loved it!!

If the greeting was "Hey! You're practically like Florence Nightingale!!" for one, it was "Hey! You hate with great success. That takes skill!" for another.

What matters is they all felt heard.

For Moody Stockmarkets

So you can bet "against" as much as you can bet "for", so what?

No, no one is saying volatility is being forced in. Not even Alex Jones would say such a thing!! But it is being managed, isn't it?

Guess what? If you manage the markets like moody people are managed, the markets will end up in rehab too. They always talk about it like we don't know they're talking about it. "The market corrects itself.", "The slide is over.", "The bulls and the bears have found their ball bull(?) bearings.", "The future, sorry "futures" are up..." and of course the mundanely on the nose - "The madness is over."

"The only way to keep the market emotions steady is to feed it fake news," according to Future CNBC

"We have that pill ready!" yelled a bunch of bots (in the future) attached to microphones.

Guess what? If you manage the markets like moody people are managed, the markets will end up in rehab too. They always talk about it like we don't know they're talking about it. "The market corrects itself.", "The slide is over.", "The bulls and the bears have found their ball bull(?) bearings.", "The future, sorry "futures" are up..." and of course the mundanely on the nose - "The madness is over."

"The only way to keep the market emotions steady is to feed it fake news," according to Future CNBC

"We have that pill ready!" yelled a bunch of bots (in the future) attached to microphones.

HTTPS: Hope Triumphs Trust Physical Storage

Cyber Security. Yeah. It's a rocky road online for the bits and the bytes.

For the ones and the zeros. For those still unaware, quantum computers have arrived on the scene as well. "Qubits" are QC bits.

Now everybody wants HTTPS. HTTP isn't good enough any more. If you're wondering why, the answer will surprise you. They have the "not secure" tag on there now. Http = not secure. And what is the average blogger supposed to do about that? Where do we go to get the S attached? They make you wait in line, and the lines they are long...

Meanwhile HTTPS. Someone's got a long list of complaints there as well - "My page has no visitors ever since I added the S to the HTTP!" Shocking! "It's so deserted they could get Pentagon over to my page to discuss war plans."

Series Launch: "Wisdom For Stupids"

This book has two chapters

"We had the idea, and got all excited from the afterglow of the warmth from that feeling you get when you know you're doing something good. But yeah, we just have a few words," said a one of the authors, in conversation with the Future Headlines PR team.

"To put it succinctly - stay closer to your zone, and maybe you know party in America? Latin America can wait until you've had the chance to get acquainted with the Western Hemisphere in general."

"Chapter Two is all about beaches/pubs and beach/pub boys and strangers and the hours at which to visit beaches/pubs, and with whom and why."

"It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it. Besides, "Idiots Guide" had already passed on this one."

Fresh Set of Fake Fingers

Prosthetics? No. That's old. That's like the iPod. Ancient. Sythetic fingers - that's where they're making the big bucks now.

It was first introduced to take care of "Phone Finger"

You know where you had that thing with the index finger that you could use to press the home button?

We got comfortable transfering our fingerprints onto that film at the tip of that little fake phone finger thingy.

And now we have this problem. Who did not see this coming?

We don't even have a kill switch. Guess why? Vetoed. In the name of "encouraging innovation".

Bill Cancelled!

Fake fingerprints everywhere. Fingerprints that look real that belong to no one!! Yeah!!!

Department of Goose Experiments

The "Department of Goose Experiments" is really a stealth organization cracking down on exactly that!

"We've let too many of these pass unchecked already! Anybody with a degree in science is able to cook up a thing and label it "useful invention". Apparently no one is verifying these things.

No one could. I guess even if they wanted to. And this was their only job!!

It is getting worse as we speak. Now, anyone who has watched any Sci-Fi thinks they have a shot at "solving time travel"!!

Time Travel is not a joke! It could be dangerous! If you think you've solved it you should dial 911 immediately!!

I mean, come on!"

Woke Humor Network Outed

Was he willingly "bumbling"? Perhaps not. It was them. They were building a gang of woke comedians.

They used him. They poked our poor President with Russian Weapons. And no one even knew!!!Utterly horrifying!

This is a cued over the air by unseen buzzards, ala color by numbers, nasty gang of boring nitwits!

Aided by corrupt political hopefuls hoping to climb their way into the White House with foreign power!

If we can't stop them, we'll at least make them pay. Launch a "Gold Card" route to US citizenship. We'll sell it for five million dollars. Who is using who now? (or is it whom?)

Losers!!

Aided by corrupt political hopefuls hoping to climb their way into the White House with foreign power!

If we can't stop them, we'll at least make them pay. Launch a "Gold Card" route to US citizenship. We'll sell it for five million dollars. Who is using who now? (or is it whom?)

Losers!!

4 or 8gst?

"I want to call them Numbojis," said expert linguist, Dr. N. Verbal, "They're still evolving."

"This might be an attempt to adopt tik-tok talk. As if those new pronouns weren't enough, they've got us squishing English words into numbers."

"Forget that seven ate nine," Dr. Verbal carried on, "that's a bad dad joke on X. And at home. This is serious stuff creeping into contracts and treaties. If they think bitcoin is money, they also think numbojis are solid words."

"Sign up for my college credit course on Communication Protocols tentatively titled - "Emojis are for social media, Numbojis are for heavy duty social media".

Drop Shopping Gets Competitive

As if Amazon wasn't already threatened by invidivual shoppers in China mailing things to Americans on a daily basis!!

The drop shoppers have now moved on to ship consumables.

"We never saw this coming. Yet another eggsploxion! Thankfully, this one did not originate in China!" Said a forty-five year old housewife from Toledo, Ohio, popular on Tik-Tok.

"I think it's about Tik-Tok. Amazon Prime was going to grab all of China's audience from Tik-Tok! That's not fair to those little kids!"

"And the egg prices! Oh my!! When God closes one door, another one opens up. I get the best farm bred eggs on the planet delivered right to my door!"

These are dire times. For Amazonian Americans, for Amazon, for Americans on Tik-Tok, For Tik-Tok, for American farms breeding chickens, for American chickens... but thank God for simple solutions.

Why do they tell you not to stuff yourself? "Stop eating like that, you're going to regret it!"

But then go, "Look at that man he's like 80, and he just finished a whole steak!!"

The alien walked away scratching its green wrinkles. "Puzzling. What is healthy? What is not healthy? Wish I had a human stomach. I'd know instantly. But then again, maybe not. If it means it can kill me...what I put in it..."

Oncology Recalled for Good

Like it ever made a dent in the stats. Finally, we're "woke" to the scam.

OVERHEARD THIS...

"Did it ever seem like we were getting somewhere?"

"Yes. But then we hit a wall. Hush hush began. Something big was running in the sidelines."

"You got unexpected results, didn't you? Side effects? Third Arm? Two left feet? Dreams full of ciphers hidden in nonagrams?"

The conversation ended there. Meanwhile spies reporting from deep within the underbelly of an enemy power warn of "weaponized cancers".

That's when an enemy threatens a certain kind of cancer which you then suddenly end up getting. Currrsszey talk or...?

Stay tuned!!

IQ lowered for woman who failed to anticipate crime!

She should have seen it coming. But no, she walked into that establishment without a care in the world like she owned the place. Here is the full list of things she could have done -

• 1.Polled Social Media
• 2.Uploaded an YouTube/Insta detailing her plans
• 3.Tapped into the hashtag of local mischief mongers who post regularly

"She did none of the things we do on a regular basis these days. It's almost as if she was afraid for her privacy or something! That's just rude! Trust the community, you know. Include them...," lamented a classmate on her own insta.

Well, lesson learned!

Establishment releases first of its kind "Food Law".

"This is the only societal classfication system that makes sense. Everything else, as we learnt, was racist and in the past - "Eugenics" for example. No, that was bad. But telling people what to eat, and exactly what to eat, and what not to eat, and more so telling them what to eat based on what they're wearing or not wearing, all of that - is about who they feel like when they choose what they choose to put into their mouths and send down the food pipe into their stomachs," said a county official selling the already enacted law.

This went on for a while. "Get on board. This is the future."

She grabbed the microphone.

"Hey! If it's just about exposure!! Watch me." She rubbed her face with a piece of cotton dipped in baby oil. "It's coming off. It is all coming off."

Groans!!

"Say bah now, but wait till I get my first illegal cease and desist. Then you'll see that I have landed!!"

Pop-ups are so much fun if they're like carnivals in a tent or the trampoline. Pop-ups on the internet are so annoying, so fucking annoying! So deeply aggravating - I become philosophical.

I think about the deeper meaning. A pop-up that promises goodies jucier than the goodies on the page... interrupting that orgasmic journey so rudely...kind of like when someone taps your shoulder on the dance floor when you're just begining to meld into one soul, with your random partner, that you just met. Or worse, like an actual orgasm blocker...how cruel!! How very cruel...!!!

The Power. Just focus on that. The power this tiny little pop-up has over you!! Your life. Your love life. Your peace of mind. Your nirvana!!

What do you do when faced with such a dilemma?? Can you start a protest?? It's just an email. That's all they want, right?? Typing...typing..done! Phew. Over.

AI is here! New Normal!! Peeking...is it over? No more pop-ups?? EEEEKS!! No, here's amother one and it's ChatGPT!! Wise I was not to have gone to war with the almighty pop-up!!